The Tryhard Channel
by PeriodicFE
Summary: The story behind it all: I was on one of the abandoned TF2 servers during the Jungle Update. This started as a rant, then just turned into something weird. I copied and pasted it from the chat box. Hope you enjoy! (Disclaimer: Edits have been made to the text so that it's easier to understand. I've also removed any unneccesary things that were in the chat box, like drops.)


Why are you so determined to knock me off this cart?

Is it your special something?

Are you in love? Is it funny? Is it beautiful?

Is it charming? Is it witty?

Is it positively, abosolutely, the most beautiful thing on earth?

So much that you can't bear 1 minute of watching it float away into the sky?

Forever and ever and ever and ever floating away?

Well, that's just my assumption.

How precious is this cart to you?

What makes it so beautiful?

I must know.

There obviously has to be a reason why you love knocking me off this cart.

Is it me you love? Is it the cart you love? Are you getting any fun out of killing someone who's not fighting back?

All of these questions will never be answered, because you're just sitting and staring at your screen laughing maniacally.

"Haha!" You say in your gleeful voice. I just knocked this guy into the air with no reason!

"I have no idea why! But it's funny, because he's falling! Hahahahahaha!"

"It's funny because he's a moron!" While you're laughing your insides out."

Well, that's just my assumption

Maybe you're just a tryhard who has no idea what the word "Game" is.

I'm not quite sure.

"Hurry now!" You say once again. "Let's blow these pitiful noobs off the cart!"

You laugh your heart out, then stick it back in your stomach. "It's so funny because it is!"

(The other player joins)

When in reality, all you are is a guy with a horrible sense of humor

Then you stroke your moustache, because of course you have one.

You stare back at your screen with your eyes and yell, "This is the best day of my life, ruining other people's fun!"

"I can't wait to see who's fun I ruin next!"

And then you scream with joy.

The other player: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

Now then, for those of you who have just joined, this dialogue is about a little boy named "Tryhard".

Interesting, isn't it?

The other player: Quite.

It's quite the complex tale of falling in love with payloads, of daring escapes and people who blow people off carts.

The other player: You mean, a tryhard?

I guess you could say that.

Now on to the TFGeo Program.

The other player: Sounds nice.

Ello, mates! Today we're hunting tryhards! The tryhard is a very rare species, only existing in abandoned servers; wooo...

The Tryhard: Welcome, my disciples of the Highertower.

The other player: "They raise our pay for huntin' these damned things."

The Tryhard: Your job is to fall from the heavens in order to kill Blu..

The other player: "Here, we have an EXAMPLE of the tryhard."

Tryinus Hardinus is a very common species, usually encouraging others to tryhard, as exampled here. The other player: And I quote: "Your job is to fall from the heavens in order to kill Blu. Which is sad. They feast on everything in sight, except the other tryhards in the area.

The other player: Obviously..

They are often spotted in scout form, wearing lime green.

The other player: Or pink.

The other player: Tryhards are seen as people who try to hard. Hey, give us an example of where we could find tryhards.

We may be able to find one in a Fun Preservation Area, also known as a TF2 server.

We usually find them in pubs, as well.

But nevermind that.

Let's take a look at the tryhard in it's natural habitat. Ah, yes.

This tryhard is trying to enact effective, yet boring strategies.

Shall we take a look?

Indeed, this tryhard is trying very hard. It is using the most OP weapons for Scout, despite it being boring.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is an example of the Meta Disease, often caught by tryhards.

Now, let us commence the hunting. We will be starting off with a Sawed-Off Double Barreled Shotgun, a typical hunting rifle.

I've spotted the local tryhard… I need to be cautious.

*I take several steps towards the tryhard, and then shoot it. It immediately falls to the ground.

And, the tryhard falls, and becomes prey. Now then, onto your regularly scheduled cooking program.

Hello, everyone! Your resident chef, Pyro here!

I'm here to roast up some Grilled Tryhard and Shitake Mushrooms with a side of mashed potatoes!

The best way to cook a tryhard is to first sear it with the Degreaser! Not too much heat, but just enough to grill him from 1 side!

*I carefully give 1 burst of the Degreaser towards the tryhard. He responds with a pistol to the face.

Now that we've seared him, we have to fully cook him!

For this, I suggest the Flamethrower, which bears much more heat! Now, we just have to find tryhard.

*2 minutes later, I find the tryhard. I airblast him into a corner, and roast him until he's dead. I then add some "pepper" to his body, and finish the show.

And that's how you make Grilled Tryhard with Shitake Mushrooms, everyone! Cooking with Pyro will be back after this commercial break...


End file.
